Countdown Tee here 
I remember celebrating 20 weeks last time at The Beard’s birthday dinner, and thinking “Oh geez. What have I gotten myself into? I’m ~only now halfway. I feel so fat. I AM so fat. How in the world am I going to do this for another 4.5 months??” But this time I was like “Whoa. Halfway already? Alright!!!”

I’m not sure what it is. Having a toddler to chase all summer definitely helped (last time I was an off-duty teacher just napping and reading pregnancy books, boo). It also helped that we didn’t announce quite as early. We’ve also been very distracted with about 1 billion good/bad/crazy things going on in our personal, social, private, and family lives. Not to mention the weird conditions and side effects I’ve had with this pregnancy. There’s just been… a lot going on. It’s been a weird few months.

What I am mostly feeling here at 20 weeks is grateful. Grateful to be entrusted with another little girl. Grateful that the bleeding stopped and wasn’t damaging. Grateful that the SPD “lightning crotch” hasn’t plagued me quite yet. Grateful for a library card, Netflix, and my incredible family & friends who have made being on light rest for much of this pregnancy actually bearable. Grateful for good doctors and modern medicine. Grateful for Diet Coke.

Mostly feeling grateful for these maternity sweatpants. There’s nothing particularly great or cute about this outfit – I just wore it for errands and lunch with my girls – but I had to talk about these pants. They’re from H&M (right here ON SALE!) and not only are they totally comfy, but they give more coverage than legging and THEY HAVE POCKETS. I think I need them in gray, too.

Although 20 weeks did seem to sneak up on me, I still feel that “whoa. I have ~that far left to go?” It’s probably anxiety-inducing for most women. Especially if you already feel pretty big. About three weeks ago I thought I looked cute-pregnant. Little belly, normal legs, arms, and boobs. And now I’m looking in the mirror at this 20 week body and trying not to feel a little discouraged. I’ve gained less this time around, but it doesn’t feel that way now! Just look at my boobs Judas Priest. And I really just wish I could be working out and doing Zumba and lifting weights to feel like I’m ~doing something about it, but alas. My placenta wants me to be lazy, so Netflix it is.

My hips/sciatic nerve is much worse than I ever had it with Reese, although that’s a trade I’d make for the SPD pain any day of the week, please and thank you. I feel like I’m already waddling – is that just something subconscious and weird that you start doing because you’re body is like “Oh yeah I remember when we used to do this!!”??? Embarrassing.

I want baked potatoes with a mound of sour cream, as well as the salty french fries that were customary with Reese’s pregnancy.

I’m more dehydrated and congested than last time. Ugh why congestion? It’s the most random and stupid pregnancy side effect. At least hip and back pain make ~sense.

I’m already nesting hardcore, wayyyy more than I ever did at any point with Reese. Is this growing up? Is this baby just giving me more mom hormones?

I have pregnancy narcolepsy! Well not really obviously, but most nights I am falling asleep mid-conversation, with my glasses on, fingers still on Pinterest, or with a book on my face. It’s crazy! I’ve been used to my insomnia/nighttime anxiety for so long that this change is just so foreign!

I wouldn’t say I ~forget that I’m pregnant, but it just doesn’t occupy 92% of my brain like it did last time. It’s more of a back-burner situation this time. Autopilot. Sleepwalking.

I think I felt Reese kick/flutter much earlier than this babe, but once she started it’s been super consistent. The Beard was even able to feel her, albeit gently, on his birthday which was really fun.

She feels different, in many ways. I used to roll my eyes at stuff like that. “Really? A 4 oz blob in you ~feels different than a previous 4 oz blob in you?” And I can’t explain it, but she does. She seems more quiet, independent, stubborn, sassy, and on-her-own-terms. Time will tell if my intuition is just the Nutella-crazed ramblings of a pregnant mom. It’s funny to look back and see things from the womb that were just so ~Reese before I knew she was Reese – like how she was either happily bouncing or sleepy chill. That’s such a Reese way to be. So there’s at least something to this mom intuition thing.

I finally feel, at 20 weeks, like I have my ish together when it comes to this pregnancy. Literally since finding out I was pregnant again it has been a bit of a roller coaster. I’m ready to settle down, even if it means a slower 20 weeks. Rather than counting down and waiting until I can exercise or focusing on everything I think I can’t do, I’m feeling more at peace with it. Embracing it. Actually RESTING. Listening to my body and taking care of it. Turning my focus to more productive areas.

One thing that has particularly helped me lately is visualization. I use those insomnia moments at 6 am, the times I’m trying to nap and failing, the breaks I take from a pile of freelance work, to put my brain and body in a positive place. I visualize the rest of this pregnancy going well – through my birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, last minute preparations, and then every step of labor and delivery. I’m trying to picture different labor & delivery scenarios and how I’ll handle them. I picture being healthy and happy. I try to relive that incredible, indescribable feeling of seeing Reese for the first time – but imagining it for this new little girl.

When things are feeling just too ~pregnant, or I’m getting cagey and restless, or the anxiety threatens to derail my day – it just really helps to put everything in perspective with a little visualization, wishful thinking, and sometimes buying some cute baby girl accessories online. This truly is a blessing, and one for which I am so excited and grateful. I’m grateful for these last 20 weeks and hopeful for the next 20(+!) to come.

Lord beer me strength.