(Things About Which You Don’t Have to Care)

Popular TV shows everyone else likes

Stretch marks. WHO CARES.

The literal and figurative greenness of your neighbor’s grass

Counting Calories. Or Carbs.

What other people’s kids are doing

The “modesty” of any swimsuit, on any body

Politics

How often someone else goes to the temple

Reading “the right” books

If you’re too extra

How someone else spends their money

Espadrilles

If someone thinks you’re cool

Doing fun crafts and creative activities with your kids

Anyone else’s weight or diets

Microblading

Someone else’s vacation

What is “normal” for someone your age to be doing

Family history

“Friends” who just complain and bring negativity into your life

The size, price, or cleanliness of your friends’ homes

Waking up early

Editing pictures

Anyone else’s relationship with God

NPR

Doing cute seasonal activities each month

Things beyond your control

What a gift I gave myself, when I decided I didn’t have to care about some of these things, and many others. It cost a year or so of therapy co-pays, but man was it worth it. Maybe you can give yourself this gift without that extra price tag. Maybe you need permission to unwrap it. Here is your permission. I, Danica Holdaway, give written permission to you, (insert name here), to relinquish care over heretofore listed and any additional distressing factors in your life.

Whenever I start feeling heavy and slow and angry, I usually just need to stop and inspect the load I’m carrying. Brick by brick I’ve added extra weight, often unconsciously.

A brick for caring what a stranger thinks of my parenting in Walmart

A brick for brand new and gorgeous home in my neighborhood, so much more pristine and shiny than my own

A brick for something an influencer posted on instagram

A brick for the judgments I pass on another person’s children

A brick for comparison

A brick for criticism

A brick for I Told You So

A brick for Karma Comes Around

And I’m staggering beneath the load. So I stop, and slowly dismantle the crippling weight I’ve hoisted on my shoulders.

Danica, honey. You don’t need to care about what they’re doing with their kids. You don’t need to worry about someone else’s karma. You don’t need to care about the Jazz, or if someone likes you, or how clean your friend’s house always looks. You don’t need to be right about things that don’t affect you. You just… don’t.

Set it down and move on without it. Your own life is the exact right amount of weight, so just walk with that.

Just worry about your own parenting, and the way you treat others. Worry about the way your home makes YOU feel. Consider the people you value, and invest in those who invest in you. Say no to make room for yes. Wear as much or as little makeup as you want. Wear the swimsuit you want, stop stressing about it, and refuse to justify or be embarrassed about it. Decide that you just DGAF about what anyone else chooses for their life – you’re far too busy loving your own.

And in a few months, or a year, or tomorrow, when you start feeling noisy and heavy again, it’s time to relinquish the load again.