One weekend a couple of years ago, I went down to a softball coaching seminar thing at Dixie State with my dad, sister and our other Crush coach, Kylie.
The seminar ended late and we were starving – leaving no other option but the ever-mediocre Village Inn outside our hotel.
It was late, we were tired and giggly, so the next part became even funnier than it sounds, at least to us.
Explanation: If you have met me, you’ve certainly noticed my weird, lazy, twitchy eye. I’ve had it since I was in the NICU, apparently some side effect of laying on that side of my head for different treatments. It has gotten better as I’ve gotten older, but it gets worse when I’m tired and is very exaggerated when I chew and eat. I don’t notice it anymore, except when I meet someone new and they can’t stop looking at it. I don’t blame them. It’s pretty distracting.
With that in mind… enjoy the rest of the story.
I noticed this male waiter had been tailing our female waitress every time she came to check on our food/drinks. He kept looking at our table, enough that I wondered if he was into one of us ladies.
Finally he walked up to ask if we needed anything, then turned to me. The look on Ed Budge’s face turned immediately stony and unamused.
You can imagine my surprise when this weird, bespectacled nerd waiter didn’t ask for my name or number (is that a vain assumption?) but instead blurted
“Do you have a glass eye?”
My jaw dropped.
Ed’s eyes widened.
Brooke and Kylie snorted and coughed to mask their explosion of laughter.
“OH-uhhhhhh…. No.” I finally spit out. A glass eye?
People have asked about my weird eye, but never if I was some sort of pirate or evil villain with a prosthetic EYEBALL.
Ed lowers his head to shake it and bite back his smirk.
Brooke and Kylie still in tears, doubled over, trying unsuccessfully to curb their laughter.
“Oh. Oh. Yeah, sorry… It just…” He splutters and stammers trying to apologize and explain.
“Yeah, well, yeah it’s weird. Yeah ok thanks bye.” I finally get him to turn around and do the walk of awkward back to the waiters station.
The second he is out of sight, we all burst into even louder, more stunned laughter. Five minutes later we regain our breath and he avoids our not-so-sneaky glances as we leave.
An inside joke/insult was born.
I’m just really glad he didn’t notice my peg leg.