I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Disneyland makes a month disappear. The week before it is full of prep and getting ahead on work and laundry and planning. Then there’s the week of travel and food and fun. Then it takes almost a full week to adjust back home, do more laundry, rest.

Between Disneyland and a new Zoloft prescription, I felt like I didn’t even own this month. I started Zoloft on April 6 and then upped the dose at two weeks (April 20) and wow has it tried to kill me. I was SO GROGGY. Like napping every day, sleeping a ton, totally exhausted. Anxiety spiked, too. Which I’ve heard is pretty normal for the first while, and it’s totally ok. I am willing to do this for 6 weeks if it’ll start working, which it’s supposed to. But d*ng. I’m a zombie. A zombie trying not to freak out all day long.

Thankfully I think that might have been our best Disneyland trip yet. The drive was easy both ways, which makes a huge difference. The parades were back MY FAVORITE. And the fireworks! So that was so awesome and fun. We got to go with Ryan’s mom, in my top 5 favorite people no joke, and of course got time with my brother. I loved it.

The weather got really nice and we enjoyed a lot of time outside. I just got all jazzed for summer! I made some progress around the house and taught (I think) my best lesson yet for Relief Society. I’m really starting to feel a sense of comfort, friendship, and belonging in my ward. I love it.

It was a good month.

Good

• I got a new nephew! My first one! We are girl city over here so it’s been so fun to prepare for a little boy. Little Holden was born on the 16th and we’re all obsessed with him. Reese is still walking around saying she has a “baby brudder in my belly.”
• Loney is full blown walking! I guess this also goes in the bad category, because she smacks her head and falls a lot. But overall I’m just excited and proud of her.
• My mental health series was really scary but really therapeutic to write and share. I can’t tell you how many kind messages I got from people. It built me right up. I also got a lot of messages from women who identify with my experience and said they thought it was just them. It’s never just you. <3
• Instead of fighting the fatigue and anxiety that the Zoloft gave me I tried to listen. I responded by slowing down. This is progress!!!! I took naps without beating myself up. I cancelled gym appointments. I said no to stuff. It was good for me.
• Reese went to the dentist for the first time and absolutely crushed it.
• Loney started singing the “ah-ah-ahhhhh” part from The Little Mermaid anytime she sees Ariel or any princess, really. It’s hilarious and adorable.
• We took Reese to her first Major League game! We spent most of it crying in the bathroom but honestly it was still so much fun.
• Tried our first Crust Club and woooooooow it was so good.
• We successfully navigated the traveling potty issues – more below – but I learned a lot about my parenting and awareness. It was really good for us.

Bad

• When we drove to Disneyland at the end of February, Reese got scared by an automatically flushing (incredibly LOUD) toilet at a gas station in Vegas. From then on she refused to go in public restrooms and would absolutely lose it. The result? Like 4 accidents on that Disneyland trip. We ended up having to put a diaper on her for the drive home. Same thing happened this time, but we think it was so bad that it triggered a UTI. It was BAD. She was crying and freaking out and I’m sitting on the floor of the Angels Stadium bathroom alternately demanding and begging her to JUST GO POTTY. Not my finest hour. Then we taught her a realllllll healthy lesson by bribing her with a stupid $20 Elena wand to go. It worked! LMAOOOOOO best parents ever
• There was a day last week that I napped twice. TWICE. Aint nobody got time for that!!!
• I think I went to the gym… once? Maybe? My body is tight and sore and out of shape and just a mess.
• I did like 2/20 Spring Cleaning tasks I had planned for last week.
• I was definitely an impatient, selfish mom and wife this month. I need to find better ways to balance when I have more demanding personal needs.

On My Brain

• Reese using technology. I have always hated the “I’m never getting my kids a cell phone! Technology is the devil!” approach. I have seen SO MANY kids just go buck wild any second they are away from their parents or once they have their own autonomy, and they were never taught self-regulation or pros and cons of technology. I really want to USE technology. I cannot hold Reese’s attention to go through an alphabet book or to do an alphabet puzzle, but she can watch YouTube for an hour. (The alphabet has been our goal lately – I want her to be able to recognize every letter on sight by the time she goes back to school, hopefully sooner.) So when Our Best Bites shared their favorite apps for toddlers and preschoolers I jumped on it. We ended up downloading Endless Numbers and Endless Alphabet (paid for that one) and Reese played it for an hour on Sunday while I made dinner and cleaned up! Wayyy better than YouTube videos of play doh dresses on princess Barbies.
• Speaking of technology I LOVED the idea of getting kids into podcasts! I love podcasts for drives, exercise, cleaning, everything. I can’t wait to start Reese on them because I feel like it’s a genius move.
• In therapy this month my therapist encouraged me to start practicing some “radical acceptance.” So I did what Hermione would do and found a book at the library titled Radical Acceptance. It’s basically the opposite of everything I do and I am loving it while also resisting every line. How can I accept my faults? Doesn’t that mean I’m saying I don’t need to fix them or improve?!!! It’s been really mentally engaging for me.
• I was shocked by this post about a blogger faking a trip to Disneyland. It was incredible commentary on how we use social media and how quickly we make huge assumptions about people based on a single image. And how we choose to portray ourselves online!
• Summer! Reese only has two weeks left of preschool and I need some structure or I’ll freak out. I’m starting to “Design My Summer” and getting really excited. I have been talking with a lot of people about their summer plans and how they organize their summer routines to take advantage of weather and free days. Might be time for a follow up Design Your Summer post!

I really did love April. A lot of good and happy and important things happened. And May has absolutely no trips. Which is weirdly exciting. I’m looking forward to lots of self-care and getting my health back on track – those are my priorities. And to getting my *%# outside. Every. Single. Day.

It’s gonna be May. (sorry)