Benchmark years are important. They’re like the anchors when you’re freeclimbing. I mean, I don’t know. I’m never gonna rock climb. But what I’m saying is that these years provide a beacon in time. THIS was the year that big thing happened. THAT was the year things changed.

I use those benchmark years to help me pin down my timeline, remember what was happening, what was going on with me at the time. 2008 was the year I graduated high school. 2011 was the year I married Ryan and started teaching. Reese was born in 2015, and Loney in 2017 (when we also built our first home).

And now there’s 2020. We had Stevie. I started working at Divvy. A global pandemic happened. We moved. Reese started Kindergarten. I ditched my uterus. Ted Lasso premiered. Man. It’s just so many things jam packed in one year. It’s not a benchmark—it’s a chapelmark!!!!!!!!! #jokes #humor #getit

How did it all fit? How will we remember all that happened? It’s certain that we’ll be referencing this year forever. I just don’t want it to cook down to just that one pandemic year. I know it sounds blasphemous to say, but 2020 was incredible for my family, and for me personally. Other than the year I retired from teaching, started writing professionally, and became a mom I have never ended a year so thoroughly changed and improved. And I’m grateful for each day, each step that brought me here.

Good

• Steve. All-inclusive.
• Divvy! This job is such a turning point in my life.
• Reese starting kindergarten has been a really fun and growing experience for all of us.
• The library increasing holds and due dates, and pulling from shelves for holds has been a total delight that I hope sticks around long after corona.
• I got a hysterectomy and it literally gave me back everything: my body, energy, my future, possibilities, underwear, will to live.
• We have a gorgeous house in a fun, new neighborhood in the best location with a rental in the basement.
• What an amazing year of reading.
• Home church provided some really cool experiences for my family.
• Everything here.

Bad

• It was so hard to keep my two “flaming extroverts” within our four walls March through May. I felt so bad that they had to deal with me without a break, and bad that I had to deal with them without a break. There were lots of days where we were all in tears before 2 pm.
• Leaving our Vineyard neighborhood cracked my heart in a way that hasn’t quite healed yet. I miss it almost every day, even though I know we’re in the right place.
• Part of my FRUIT 2020 was focusing on my own garden. This meant erecting some boundaries and having some tough conversations. I think it caused some pain, and even if it was the right move it still makes me feel bad.
• I feel a lot of guilt for everything that has befallen Loney this year. She’s the most accident-prone wild child with total lack of self-preservation. It’s made me frustrated and guilty and scared.
• I feel like quarantine broke Reese. I’m so incredibly worried about her, and feel like I’ve screwed up in some irreversible ways.
• The lack of baseball was rough. Yes we got it eventually, but usually that’s a phenomenon that begins in February for us and gets us through those dark late-winter, early-spring months.

On My Brain

• Excitement about my potential for 2021
• I have a new business idea that’s been incubating in my brain for a couple of months. I may start looking more seriously into launching it this year.
• Disneyland. I get to go to Disneyworld on a girls trip in January, but I’m aching to go with my family again.