Yes, you read that right. I’m bringing back the GBOMB! When I stopped my monthly GBOMB recaps, it was actually really sweet to hear from some people asking when they’d return. I just started to feel like the recaps were somehow both repetitive AND vulnerable.

My main (and really, only) resolution for 2023 is to journal daily. I’ve discovered I’m desperate for personal insight and trying to grow my ability to know and trust myself. I want to keep better track of my energy, mood, physical symptoms, and my growing trust in my own gut.

So buckle up, I might be a bit rusty.

Good

• I only missed 2 days of journaling this month. (I subscribed to Silk + Sonder late last year and I’ve really leaned into it this month.) Daily affirmations work, did you know?
• Me and Loney started our first read-aloud—The Secret Garden. It’s probably a little too much for her at 5, but we’re having fun!
• I wrapped up my reread of the Scythe series and it’s just so damn good.
• We decided to pass the gray times by watching ALL of the Star Wars universe. We’ve been working on Clone Wars the entire month and we’re finally in the last season LOL.
• I went on a quick getaway with a few girlfriends to SLC for one night and it was just the best decompressing fun!
• I completed a church task that has been rescheduled several times since November, and it gave me some much-needed closure.
• I got a raise and bonus at work AND hired a new nanny starting this week. Working moms KNOW.
• For Cookbook Club, we chose Smitten Kitchen (she has 3 and a blog) and it was delicious. I have her first two cookbooks and use them consistently.
• Ryan got laid off at the beginning of December and started his new job this month and it’s SO MUCH BETTER.

Bad

• I exercised 3 times in the entire month. I no longer subscribe to the idea that my worth is tied to workouts. I just know I feel better when I move my body and it just didn’t happen.
• I had a pretty serious depressive episode in the first few weeks of the month, which I think stemmed from a new medication I started in December. It finally built up enough in my system and while, yes, it did curb my anxiety, instead I was an absolute zombie with zero will to live. 🙂 🙂 🙂 (I am off said medication now and after a week or so off the meds my energy came back up.)
• My eye has been twitching, from extreme to mild, the whole month! I know what you’re thinking. “Danica… your eye always twitches.” No, my dudes, not that one. It’s like a spasm and Dr. Internet says it’s from caffeine or fatigue. Ya, well. The caffeine is BECAUSE of the fatigue, dummy.
• Work has been quite a struggle for me lately. With a new boss, a humongous project, hiring and managing a handful of new freelancers, no nanny, and increased family demands lately… I got ~very close to quitting.
• Distance. Perhaps this is more of an “on my brain” or even “good” item, but noticing the space and distance in previously close relationships always feels a little bad. Adulthood is constantly tightening the boundary between who you are and the rest of the world. As you figure that out, and as you more clearly determine your values, (AND as your life gets hectic to the point of melting your brain) you just have to loosen your grip a little. Your circle has to get tighter, and it’s always sad when you’re forced to let some of your relationships drift a little further from your immediate zone.

On My Brain

• Fair Play. One of my book clubs read Fair Play for January, and our discussion was one of the best we’ve ever had. I read it 3 years ago, but I watched the Hulu documentary with Ryan to prepare (highly recommend it). I think this book/system, or at least the approach, is VITAL in 2023. This will surprise no one, but in my opinion, it is an imprisonable offense for any human being to do nothing beyond financial contribution to a domestic living arrangement. We have to do more for our kids, our women, AND our men.
• Detox. It happens to me a few times a year, but I want to just throw away 50% of everything we own. Why? I wish I could improve my consumption and intake so that I don’t reach these points where I NEED to simplify, detox, and streamline everything in my life.
• This recent BYU devotional left me pretty confused and discouraged. Essentially, Elder Hamilton says that instead of having doubts or questions or things you don’t love about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (which they often say is ~totally ok!!!, which, ya of course it is as it is human nature and Christ literally never taught the doctrine of infallibility) you should just replace “the Church” with “Jesus.” So instead of “I have an issue with the way the Church treats LGBTQ+ individuals.” we should say “I have an issue with the way JESUS treats LGBTQ+ individuals.” A few years ago, this would have been a call to repentance for me, and now I see it for what it is—a command to stop thinking critically. Lol how DARE we call for change and point out hypocrisy in the name of love? Jesus would hate that, right?! I wish they’d stop hiding behind Jesus and just get back to tryna be like Him.
• It’s been a crazy month for true crime. Some of the big stories I’ve been following are the Moscow college murders, the Ana Walshe murder, and the start of the Murdaugh trial (Low Country on HBO is super good). I also started Web of Death on Hulu and I am HERE for armchair detectives actually solving crimes.
• I’m never sure how much to share about my kids, especially the tricky stuff, especially now that Reese is getting older. We’re walking a path to get a diagnosis, medicine, and treatment for some of the behavioral, impulse, and emotional issues she is bearing. It’s a constant roller coaster and nothing could have prepared us for it. It makes me so grateful for the people who are soft and kind and empathetic. It makes me so sick about my failures and the consequences she often faces (particularly with friends and adults from whom I expect more compassion).

My Silk + Sonder has a theme for each month, and February is “passion.” I’m very excited to celebrate Reese and Loney, share some love with Valentine’s, and have a quick and chill getaway to St. George with just my little family. This single digit weather is bullshit. At the very least, February has fewer days. AND the days are getting longe.r We’ll be good.