Well, technically 19 months but I was buried in tasks and deep denial when she actually passed that 18 month mark. I was so excited, largely for nursery, but it was also supremely weird.

Reese felt so huge at 18 months. Part of it must have been that I was pregnant with a tiny jelly bean Loney. Loney feels big too, but she is still my teeny tiny baby. And with no plans to get pregnant soon (unfortunately, thanks Relief Society lol) my brain is just trying desperately to see her as my baby.

She’s making it reallllll difficult though. We dropped the bottle a few months back. She weaned herself from the binky by chomping off the tips of each one like a complete savage. She can climb on everything. And literally I mean everything. She escaped from me en route to nursery and I found her sitting on a chair in Primary with a class of 5 year olds.

She tries to do her makeup but mostly sucks on my eyeliner and ruins my brushes. She tries to keep up with Reese but trips on everything. She’s talking like crazy and loves to sing and dance. She’s a complete and total raccoon, foraging for food in the trash, off the floor, out of people’s diaper bags, from strangers. We have a real problem.

Her latest cutest thing is running toward you with open arms yelling “HUGS HUGS HUGS.” She chirps “Haiii Eese!” every morning when we go in to get her. Her favorite thing is when Ryan jumps out to scare her, or even better, scare Reese. It is not Reese’s favorite thing.

She’s obsessed with Ariel. She can recognize the tiniest Ariel on a tag or item of clothing a mile away. She screams “Aye-ah!” and then sings “ah-ah-ah!!!! ah-ah-AHHHH!” She gives all her stuffed toys these adorable hugs and Ryan taught her to “wink” and it’s the most hilarious thing.

The other day she fell asleep in my lap, which hasn’t happened in a million years. Reese is a cosleeper and always has been. She loved, and still loves, sleeping in our bed, and does pretty well at just crashing hard and not moving. But not Loney. That kid needs her own bed, darkness, and no distractions to fall asleep. It makes me sad. Because when Ryan goes out of town for work, which is happening more and more, all I want is a snuggle sleepover with both of my girls. Loney ain’t havin it.

But the other day she fell asleep in my lap. I wanted to bottle it up. The weight of her warm little body. Her throaty little snores. The fluffy hair across her forehead. The belly sneaking out of the pink dinosaur pajamas. Those rosy cheeks radiating heat.

Sometimes I look at her and she seems too cute to be real.

Sometimes she smacks me square in the face with one of Reese’s shoes.

18 months is the weirdest. It’s definitely something to be celebrated, and I didn’t want it to pass by completely unnoticed. But 18 months is also really, really hard. It’s hard to fight her into her car seat and clean up mess after mess after mess. It’s hard to realize she just isn’t napping today, the day we all REALLY need her to nap. It’s hard to take garbage food away from her chubby grubby hands and watch her absolutely lose it in betrayal and despair. It’s hard to feel so guilty that between Reese and Relief Society and regular chores and everyday tasks she is being shunted to the bottom of the totem pole so often.

But every day I am so excited to go in her room. Every day I am so excited to see her try to hug Coco. Every day I am so excited to hear which word or phrase she’s going to pick up.

Every day I love seeing how like Reese she is, and all the ways she is so beautifully unique.

We love her, we love her, we love her.